My Dad’s Love

My dad's love didn't flow freely out from him in the ways I wanted it to match my preferred ways of receiving. But I undoubtedly know it was there.

You know how we have the sun and we know the sun exists even though there are time periods that we don't see the sun= night.

I guess I envisioned dad's love as the warmth and heat and energy from the sun but often times we couldn't feel it - similar to night.

But not because there are regular cycles like our sun & moon but in this scenario in order for the sun to shine through, he had to move huge boulders, and they are heavy and hard for him to move. Sometimes it felt like the boulders would barely ever get moved, and there was a lot of night time. That didn't feel good! But I know the sun was there, but sadly I couldn't feel the warmth or the heat or the energy. It felt like he was choosing not to move the boulder largely because it was so heavy. Heck he actually unknowingly built the damn boulders! Rationally I know he didn't have a lot of boulder moving skills. But I also saw him unable to vulnerably learn new skills.

I made a lot of peace with all that while he was alive.

But now that he's physically gone the boulder is gone too and yet I still can't SEE the sun but here's the cool part- the fact that he doesn't have to choose whether or not to move the boulder allows the idea of knowing the sun is there come through more easily. ☀️

And if I want I can close my eyes & feel the sun, the warmth, the heat the radiance of the energy.

All the stuff in our physical world are awesome props to activate things in our brain. I don't need an orange in front of me to imagine the smell. I more quickly & easily get it when an orange is in font of me. But I can close my eyes & think about cutting a ripe juicy orange & feel the sticky juice & I SMELL an orange. 🍊

So we don't actually have to have the props to activate the experience. This has been a form of surrender of attachments to outcomes for me.

I don't need my dad here in physical form calling, visiting, interested in me to feel his love. Those are props to get to the energy. The energy is free to whirl around & warm me up anytime I want it to. 💖